What’s the saying? “Same shit different day?” well that’s pretty much my life right now. Tuesday I go for my third endometriosis surgery, then a few weeks after that I have a trial run for a “nerve stimulator” aka pace maker for my bladder. So cool, super excited!!!!
Not at all.
I mean I’m finally on my way to a life where I can live without pain or at least with less pain. With these issues at bay I’ve realized that my mental stability has been off, I’ve realized I’ve been falling back into a place I once was. A depression where all I want to do is sleep, wake up and try to sleep even more just so the days pass by. I’ve made the decision to see a psychologist because of this issue. I can think happy thoughts and try to put on a front all day long but I can only do that so long before I start to hit my breaking point. I don’t want to get to my breaking point whatsoever, why put myself through that?
So on Monday the 25th I go and see this psychologist and is it weird it say the I’m kind of happy to be seeing a professional? It might be, but I need guidance, I need insight on how to deal with my issues mentally, also this way I will be given different perspectives not just on my health issues but issues within my life in general.
On Tuesday the 26th I go and have my third endometriosis surgery. This time around I thought I would feel laid back, like this isn’t a big deal anymore, but nope. Completely nervous, I’m nervous because I have thoughts of my doctor performing the surgery and nothing is there, which is a waste of time and money for the doctor and myself. Tuesday will be here in a instant and these fears will rise even more, but even if this surgery is just going in to make sure nothing is there, will be a successful outcome because then I know that this pain I am having is related to something completely different and can be taken care of.
Life doesn’t always go as planned, I thought at this point I would be in my second semester of college taking the courses I was extremely excited to take, yet here I am. Laying in my bed writing this blog. My one positive thought right now despite everything is that:
My time will come.