I had a terrible night with the pacemaker; I’m tired of laying on just one side or my stomach. It’s starting to get to me (my frustration). I know it’s something so simple but it is so complex because I physically cannot lay on my left side or back clearly because of these wires. Which leads me to not sleep, so I’m one ball of emotion that cries at the dumbest things. Like the fact that my cat was being super sweet to me. What the hell? I’m crying because my cat was being a cat. I was talking to her saying I haven’t been feeling good lately. I’m not ashamed, I talk to my cat but maybe it’s time to schedule another session with my pyschologist. Also clearly I need sleep.
I have today, Friday and the weekend to get through until I’m free of the outside pacemaker and I can finally take a normal shower. I’m glad no one has seen me since Monday because my hair looks like Einstein’s.
The company who supplies the pacemaker has called me everyday to check in and they kind of keep a “diary” of how I’ve been feeling with the frequency and urgency which have been decreasing over time, which is ultimately what we want. I’ve been keeping a “diary” myself but really it’s just me writing down the time I’ve used the bathroom and how urgent it was. Which lately have all been pretty low, so far so good.
My not so “secret” blog is really just a bunch of words of frustration. It’ll change over time. By Monday I bet I’ll be writing of happiness.
Fingers crossed, right?