Today has been kind of shitty. Well yesterday technically. And when I mean kind of shitty I mean like, the shittiest day I’ve had in a looooong time.
I’m not going to go into it but let’s just say it’s time for me to learn how to be an adult. At 24, I think I’m responsible, trustworthy, and hard working (when I work). But you know my health hasn’t been the best but I feel like I’ll be making a come back really soon. It’s time for me to step up to the plate with a few things that I need to deal with. I’m such a “baby” in the sense of I use the term “I’m scared” a lot in certain situations but the I’m scared is just really my anxiety heightening (is that a word if so is it spelled right)?
Anxiety in high school took over my life completely and I’ll be trying my best to not let that happen again but my anxiety will likely get worse as I try to “be an adult” I’m using those words because you know, I kind of missed out on a lot, in my childhood and even when I was a teenager because of my medical problems starting then. So I’m not saying I’m childish but I feel like at 24 my friends or people I know have their life completely together and I just don’t. Which is fine because I’m working on it.
Being an adult is scary (there’s that word again). I mean just little aspects of it are scary because I feel like I haven’t felt the full adult feeling yet. So what I do know about being an adult isn’t too much I guess you could say. Like my thoughts of being an adult currently are like, making my own doctors appointments (because that’s huge). I remember being like 21 asking my mom to call for me because “I was scared” aka I don’t like talking on the phone much aka my anxiety. She’d always tell me no, you’re an adult now. So yeah, I’m an adult. I can make doctors appointments all day long and wait for call backs from my doctor and talk to them because after all of this time, I’m just used to them. Especially all of my doctors who have performed surgery on me like I can easily call them, leave a message for them to call me back and just be like hey girl, so this, that, and the third. Explain things ask questions and it makes me feel like a grown up.
Another thing that makes me feel like an adult is making lists… I know you’re probably like what? Is she kidding? But no. I make lists of things I need to accomplish and do my best to accomplish them. Not everything may get done but guess what I got some stuff done so that’s just fine. Also using the calendar in my phone to remind me of appointments and stuff coming up makes me feel like an adult. Because someone can ask me if I have plans on this day and this time and I can be like hold on, oh sorry I have this to do. Like that’s a real adult I feel, or just a mature person. Regardless I’m one of them.
Honestly I’m not sure what the point of this blog was, it’s 1:15AM. It seemed to take a turn for the fact that I don’t want to be an adult and some things I do that make me feel like an adult so it’s like an accomplishment. So I’m just gonna leave it at that I think. I mean what can really top a middle of the night/extremely early morning blog?
Well probably the chocolate peanut butter ice cream I have in the freezer but I’m withholding from that because of the time of the night. Like look at that, I made an adult decision to not eat ice cream at 1:15AM. That’s an adult decision (or just a superstitious decision because I’ve been told if you eat and then sleep you’ll have nightmares and I’m not trying to deal with that).
Thanks for reading this completely random blog. If you’ve made it this far, shout out to you, high fives all around.