This past year has been long, difficult, and tiring. But I think I may be on the verge of a life changing experience. An experience that I am terrified of but an experience that may let me live the life of a 24-year-old woman. A life where I can be happy and pain free, go to school and finally start the life I’ve always dreamed of. I feel like I talk about school so often because it is my dream, I want to be there and better myself in all ways possible. Especially with writing, which is why I have this blog.
A few weeks back I was watching one of the “Doctors” shows on TV. There was a 15-year-old girl who has endometriosis, as I do also, for 9 years now. The doctor there was willing to complete a surgery for her to live a pain free life and since she underwent this surgery, she was pain free. I didn’t say a word but quickly looked up the name of the surgery which is a “excision” surgery for endometriosis. The first doctor I came across was in California and then I finally found the doctor that performed this 15-year old’s surgery. I was completely intrigued with all of the information that was on his website and the outlook he had compared to what my specialist has.
This excision surgery completely raises your pelvic organs which can help locate endometriosis even in the littlest of spots. This doctor talked about how doctors who perform basic laparoscopic procedures are taking the easy way out and are not completely doing what should be done. My mind was blown as I’ve had this surgery three times, and my pain is still here. As some of you may know I have a “pacemaker” for my bladder as well and he completely linked endometriosis pain with bladder and IC pain. I almost started crying, thinking what if this really an answer to my prayers, prayers that have been said over and over again.
Before I made my decision to attempt to see this doctor I had an appointment with my specialist here in Philadelphia. I’ve stated to her within these 5 months since the surgery I’ve had thoughts of a hysterectomy (which since have been changed). When I told her, she completely shook her head and was like “you’re 24 years old, absolutely not”. I then mentioned a removal of my left ovary as my left side is where I have most cysts grow. My doctor was contemplating in her head that, that could be a possibility, but then she said “you can find someone else to do it, because I’m not”. Finally; I told her about this doctor I found and she said she’s never heard of this surgery before. I was thinking, “obviously”, because you would be educated on it already, but she had absolutely no idea. I mentioned what I knew of the surgery and how instead of even removing an ovary this doctor is able to reconstruct an ovary if needed. I mean???? I don’t even know how to react towards that. Clearly it is a positive reaction but I don’t even know what this appointment would tell me and that I will learn in the future.
I called and unfortunately was told that August was his next appointment. I said I would call back because there goes my dream of school for another semester. When I called back the following day, luck was on my side because a July 5th opening was available. I got off of the phone to cry to my mom, tears of happiness, hopefulness, and also fear. Really who likes the unknown? But when the unknown could possibly change your life I’m ready to dive right in.
So my prayers may soon be answered, July 5th I’ll be traveling to Manhattan to meet this doctor. I write this with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes, I’m hesitant because I don’t want to get my hopes up. I’ve never been to NY before, so how exciting that this will be the first time… Hope you’re sensing my sarcasm. I’d always thought about going to NY and being a complete tourist, but instead I’ll be going in hopes of being able to attend school in the fall, happily, not second guessing pain tolerance every day. In hopes of being able to have children one day, my own children. So many hopes for the rest of my 24-year-old life yet so many hopes for the rest of my entire life in general.
It’s hard to think about all of the time and effort put into trying to make my bladder right. At this point I feel like it’s hopeless. Someone I talked to at this doctor’s office was recommending the pacemaker be taken out, which is already the plan. It was the original plan but the doctor was hopeful for a different “program” after repositioning the pacemaker earlier this month. Again, I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but its difficult. I can already feel my anxiety filled mind while on the ride there.
This is a big step, a huge step, that may change my life forever.