It’s been a while. A lot has been going on the past few weeks so I haven’t had the motivation to really start writing anything besides what I keep secret in my little “poetry” book. I’ve written a lot of “poetry” I’m quoting the word because some of it can be categorized as that, some of it could just be categorized as short stories, anything really. It’s just myself trying to be creative, so we can just call it “creative writing” haha. Simple as that.
Over the past month I’ve been mentally drained, it’s probably been longer than a month but July in general has been difficult. The most difficult part was losing my grandmom. My grandmom who loved to read as much as I do and had the patience to finish crossword puzzles, when I’m the type to give up on those things right away. I could barely look at my Poppop without tearing up. As much as she would roll her eyes at all of the stories he would retell us grandchildren, there was no denying the love they have for each other. (I’m not using had, because the love is still radiating and will always radiate from just knowing she’s up there watching me). My heart is so heavy writing this, but I am so extremely grateful to have seen her before her passing. I’m grateful for the “I love you” she was able to say to me, and also grateful for her giving all of her strength to give me her infamous Mommom hug.
Secondly, I’ve been slowly taking myself off of my bladder medication so when late August rolls around and I have my surgery I won’t be on any daily medication other than my birth control. I wanted to do this so I can feel the full effect on what this surgery will potentially do for me. After it’s done and I’m recovered if I’m still having issues then I will likely go back onto the medication. It hurts like hell taking myself off of them, I can barely get out of bed, my pain has definitely increased by a lot, but I think it is what’s best for me.
The surgery, it’s still happening, it’s still a huge step. I’ve had three prior surgeries for my endometriosis but this is going to be a completely different way of having it done. I think it’s going to be my longest surgery yet as well, which is three hours (which is actually nothing, but it’s a little scary to think about). The whole situation, not being in my city and not being able to go home right after is definitely taking a toll on me as well. It stresses me out knowing that I won’t be in the comfort of my own bed at the end of the day. Recovery time for this surgery though is way less than the previous ones so I’m hopeful!
Unfortunately; school seems to be pushed back yet again. I am actually really upset about it…again. It’s almost like school isn’t in the cards for me. Something always seems to pop up and go wrong when I’m ready to start. I know I should think positive about this surgery, because then I will be able to go to school pain free without an issue. But each time I’ve had to push school back another semester I’m so bummed because I have an awesome schedule taking journalism classes, because that’s what I’m aiming to do for a living one day.
As for right now, I’m just tired, still, mentally drained. But I’ll recover, we all do in good time.